


The Valet and the Batman

by PixelFish



Category: Batman - Fandom, Jeeves and Wooster
Genre: Crossover, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 08:40:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3930268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PixelFish/pseuds/PixelFish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Bertie recounts his adventures with an old pal in Gotham.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Valet and the Batman

"A Mr. Wayne called while you were in your bath, sir. I inquired if he'd care for refreshments, but he left his apologies and said he'd call again."

"Wayne, eh? Rings only a distant bell, Jeeves. Didn't he spill a bit more?"

"The gentleman's first name is, I believe, Bruce, sir."

"By Jove, old Batty Bruce! It's been an age since we last conspired. Batty and I met at the Gotham City branch of the Senior Liberals Club, Jeeves. In America."

"I am familiar with with the city you mention, sir."

"Have you been to Gotham, Jeeves?"

"Yes, sir. As you may recall, I was briefly in the employ of Mr. Oswald Cobblepot, a businessman of some standing in the Gotham community, until it was suggested that much of his success may have been owed to diligent non-conformity to state and local laws, sir."

"A hardened criminal! And you handed in your portfolio?"

"Indeed, sir, but not for the reasons lodged by the prosecuting attorney. It was Mr. Cobblepot's intractable insistence on wearing evening dress for all occasions that ultimately compelled me to tender my resignation, sir."

"Well I see that, of course. I suppose standards are falling everywhere."

"The plummet may prove inexorable, sir."

"Old Batty Bruce! He was somewhat on the dour side, it must be said, and perhaps not the most scintillating of companions, but of the chumminess that sprouted between us, there was not a little. You may well be wondering, Jeeves, why I am so sanguine in this component of mutual bon amis. I will explain: excitement simply sprouted in his wake!"

"L'acteur principal, sir?"

"Hmm? Well, very likely, yes. I'm reminded of an example. One evening, Batty and I were collecting our rations at an establishment best forgotten. You know, Jeeves, the sort of restaurant that comes highly recommended by the Burnley cognoscenti, but chooses the night of your personal appearance to pack it all in and become an unendurable frost."

"I'm sorry to hear that, sir."

"Never mind, never mind. But it's appropriate that I should use the word 'frost' to describe it, Jeeves, for no sooner had Batty and I voted to down forks and retreat to prepared fortifications, than in charged a cove with a rather icy disposish by the name of Fries. His name was not spelled 'freeze', but pronounced 'freeze', Jeeves."

"Thank you for the clarification. I would assess the gentleman's surname to be of Dutch origin."

"Yes? Probably so, Jeeves. Well, this chilly Dutchman was as mad as a frosted cat. It seems he was under the impression Batty had offered insult to a girl he loved, and intended, in his colonial vernacular, to punch his lights out. Well, the excitement, Jeeves! Naturally I took cover before any kindling was produced, but Batty wasn't above a bit of rough stuff. After only a few turns around the floor, he had his partner safely under wraps. As it happened, in the aftermath, this Fries was forced to admit that he'd acquired his information at second hand."

"Am I right in anticipating that Mr. Wayne had not been guilty of the alleged infraction after all, sir?"

"Bang on the money as always, Jeeves! A diabolical associate of Fries's had put him up to this act of retribution as a species of jest or jape. You'll recollect I've pointed out Batty's more-than-passing resemblance to the herring on the slab, and of all the things that gave his sensitive nature the pip, at the top of the ledger would have to be practical jokers. While a carefree chap such as myself might rather appreciate the deployment of a Whizzo Wobbler or Big Squirt in a spirit of fun, Batty was driven to distraction by them. And so, he intended to give this particular joker a piece of his mind."

"And did he, sir?"

"To some extent he did, Jeeves. Well, I won't go into the sordid, but the adventure involved a madcap chase through Crime Alley, the ascent of a fire escape in shocking disrepair, and a mishap involving what Batty insisted was a defective gargoyle. By the end of the evening, we'd had to leash the pups and call off the hunt for the humorous malefactor, but it was great fun, all in all. There was another time that ..."

"Ahem. Excuse me sir, but I feel compelled to remind you that you are due to meet Ms. Kyle for luncheon."

"Dear Lord, Jeeves, you're right! That was a narrow save. Keeping that girl waiting might result in a pair of clawed eyes, and then Aunt Agatha will claw the rest for dropping her scheme of a gratis diamond appraisal into the soup. Well then, enough of this shooting of the b, let's on with the finely-tailored and then to the well-cooked."

"If I might take the liberty, sir, considering the current weather prediction, I would recommend the grey tweed with the sky blue tie."

"Jeeves, you're indispensable. What would I do without you?"

"You're very kind for saying so, sir."

**Author's Note:**

> My husband wrote most of this actually, although I admit the line about Practical Jokers was mine. He's given me permission to post it here. We may have the further adventures of Jeeves and Bertie since Bertie may be called upon by his Aunt Dahlia to adjudicate a little flower show she is hosting at Brinkley Court for the famed American botanist, Miss Pamela Isley.


End file.
